#262 Get Ready For Hal Sparks

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Jeff Dwoskin 0:29

All right, Courtney, thank you so much for that amazing introduction. You get this show going each and every week, and this week was no exception. Welcome, everybody to Episode 262 of classic conversations. As always, I am your host, Jeff Dwoskin. Great to have you back for what sure just spark up their waves with my guest this week. Hal sparks. That's right. House sparks returns to the show. And we've got a lot to talk about. We're diving into his time at Second City as a 15 year old queers folk stories, dude. Where's My Car stories? voice impressions. This episodes got it all that's coming up in just a few seconds. And in these few seconds, Alex hide White was here last week. Quick reminder, Episode 260. The OG Reed Richards from Roger Corman's. Fantastic for tons of great stories. Alex is an amazing storyteller. You'll love that episode began superheroes we talk a lot about superheroes in this episode. You're gonna love it. Get ready for it all right now with how sparks enjoy. All right, everyone, I'm excited to introduce you to my next guest stand up comedian, actor, podcasts or radio host political commentator, and musician loved him and Queer as Folk talk soup lab rats. Welcome to the show. Hal sparks.

Hal Sparks 1:53

Thank you. Appreciate it. It's nice to be here. Again, technical difficulties aside that no one else was privy to, I want people to know that we are indeed between the two of us mega worldwide currently. So we're reaching everyone via their ear holes.

Jeff Dwoskin 2:08

Oh, what is that? Yeah.

Hal Sparks 2:10

It just means that the great thing about the internet is singularly different than any other broadcast medium up until about 20 years ago. And that's still insane. It's crazy. You realize the amount of production and money and backing just support from governments and technological entities that you would have had to do just to have your podcast available to the people that it's available to now on at this time on the planet. It's absurd. Don't even get me started on the Jester. What's stopping everybody from reading? So congratulations on being everywhere all at once. I think

Jeff Dwoskin 2:46

yeah, it is true. I mean, you could almost it almost $0. Yeah.

Hal Sparks 2:51

Right. It's get you know, and again, that's both amazing and wonderful and terrifying, considering some of the folks that are out there and the quality of thought going on between their ears. So

Jeff Dwoskin 3:03

absolutely. So one thing I wanted to cover. Okay, big news. And so you were here late 2020. Yes, a lot has happened since then. A lot has happened since then. And then finally, I was really listening to it to see what we were talking to. And you accurately predicted a crazy January so kudos to you. Thanks. But also in the world. What happened was Spider Man No Way Home was released. Right bringing in the multiverse, thus making you an official part of the MCU. Right and your cameo in Spider Man two as guy in elevator. That's right.

Hal Sparks 3:41

Yeah. And I'm looking for in the future. Me being an alternate universe, Peter Parker since i i will say i favor him. If you look at the old you know, besides the long hair currently, I do favor him looks wise, post college photographer page. But still, I think that whole like nice Spidey suit could be an ironic phrase that my character was making ultimately, now that we have the multiverse happening. Also, I've decided to after the way they've gone with the MCU is that I am the child of Agent Carter and Captain America. I think that's another character I get ultimately play. I guess soldiers super serum, Super Soldier Serum. Genetics don't kick in until much later after my appearance at that point in the MCU. So yeah, we'll work it out. It's gonna happen.

Jeff Dwoskin 4:34

It's gonna happen. I don't see how it how it couldn't. It's just it's in the stars. Yes, it is. But that's not the only superhero genre. You've also you were skateboarder in Lewis and Clark.

Hal Sparks 4:47

That's true. I was I may have been the murderer in disguise, or are just some hapless twerp with a really good sense of humor. And it's up to the viewer to decide what was the Truth because I ultimately did push Lois Lane into traffic. One of the few attempts on her life that was almost successful had Superman literally not been standing next door, she would be gone from the entire DCU. I would have felt terrible about it, but it would have been pivotal. I was more successful in my attempt in many ways, even than Lex Luthor himself. He gave Superman enough time to, you know, fly all the way over and reverse time right here to add we hadn't been literally crossing the street with her. It would have been game over just saying just saying right now it would have been Alana Lange stories from that point on.

Jeff Dwoskin 5:39

I think I think we need to get gene cane rollover Union on your Megaworld.

Hal Sparks 5:43

Yeah, that's true. He can't, I don't think he could lift me the way he could back then, you know, they add a little teeter totter thing to have him lift me up. But because at that time, I was editing the demo pilot for my sketch comedy group, I had lost so much weight doing that, that I weighed like 127 pounds, fully clothed, soaking wet. And as a former football player, that's a curl, you know what I mean? Like he could probably like curl 200 pounds, maybe one at that point. So he was able to lift me up like a kid, not for long, but long enough for the bit like he could lift me and hold me like this. But it was good enough for the gag. And they kept one of my jokes, which was, you know, lay off the amino acids. At that that was, you know, of the nine or 10 improvs I threw in there. That was the one that they liked the most roids was to edgy. But amino acids was right on the on the money.

Jeff Dwoskin 6:37

That is awesome. Yeah, it was awesome. I think that's all your superhero genre, at least that I

Hal Sparks 6:42

know. I mean, lab rats entirely. I did create and Disney owns Marvel. So I'm just saying at some point, a lab rats comic book, followed by a reunion followed by a next generation. It's got to happen at some point. Yeah.

Jeff Dwoskin 6:56

Yeah. My kids were really into lab rats. They you know, it's a it's funny when you when I talk to certain people when they can have a completely different connection to them. Like I talked about asthma. And to them. He's not Lou Grant. He was Santa from Elf, or up, right.

Hal Sparks 7:12

Yeah. Right. Are the voice of up? Yeah, absolutely. To me, he's the guy who, in the original iteration of Second City cleaned the toilets to pay for his classes. Not a lot of people know that. And so when I would go when I was in a teenager, and I was in the second city teen true, one of the stories we always heard is anytime you use the bathroom, you were like, you know, at one point at Astor clean this place, so that he could pay for his classes. And that's you behaved yourself.

Jeff Dwoskin 7:39

Out of respect for low. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's fine. So lab rats, I was reading first by racial couple. So that was a big first.

Hal Sparks 7:49

Yeah, in the lead role in a an American sitcom. I don't know, like II and sci fi as well, I suppose. But myself and Angel Parker, who, by the way, could not be more talented and lovely. I shouldn't say that. Because she probably gets more talented and lovely every day. So but in my experience of her was just a joy to work with on all fronts. So that was just a gem of an experience.

Jeff Dwoskin 8:14

That's yeah, so it's 17 you're in second city. 15 1515. Okay, so at 15 You're at Second City how to get involved at Second City in Chicago. Right at that. Yeah. And who else was around I mean, at Azur had cleaned the toilets, but he was gone by now. Right. Well,

Hal Sparks 8:32

that at that point, mainstage was Richard Kind. And Bonnie Hunt was there, they rotated through. Essentially what happened was when I moved up, I moved to Chicago when I was 14, like in the year right after turning 15. And as soon as I got to Chicago, Chicago's got such a blue collar attitude towards the arts. Like there's no magic in it like New York aft, it's this weird, like, it's the same as La just darker. It's like the the DCU versus the MCU. That you know, the on the coast, like you have to be discovered, you have to have some sort of magical explosion that gives you your powers. Whereas more you know, Chicago's more like old kung fu movies, like you just practice in practice and get beat with a read and stand in a bunch of positions over and over until you have magic kung fu powers. And there was a very distinct road. And one of the places I knew about was second city because I was a huge fan of SCTV. They used to play it on Kentucky educational television after Monty Python. And so I was aware of the name and then holy crap there was and then they had a teen troupe and my buddy Andy and I decided we were going to audition for the teen troupe. We took trains down Chicago, we got up the Sedgwick l stop and we got on the bus and we went the wrong way. And so we went into a real shitty dangerous part of chicago until we realized like I think she should be able to see the water at some point because it's not too far from the beach and so we switch buses went right back were a little bit late, but killed it essentially and Andy I started there. And then Andy stopped doing it. For whatever reason, I think his parents wanted him to be an accountant. They he was, they were very focused. They're very North Shore family, whereas, and my family, it's like, I don't know what the hell you're gonna do with your life. I mean, you're not going to be pumping gas because we don't live down there anymore. But rest of it once you hit 18, it's your ass. So that's really is the attitude like at 18 the entire expectation was get out my family. And so finding your way was always kind of good careers, even if my dad was very disappointed that I got into Second City and was so well accepted. And, you know, and then, you know, build some friendships up there. I got my sort of first agent in ties to that as well. It was just one of the rungs on the ladder at that point, you know, there was, you know, that was great.

Jeff Dwoskin 10:43

Were there any other folks in your in your troop that went on?

Hal Sparks 10:47

Yeah, well, I mean, interestingly enough, like my buddy Dan Zukowski, who had the professional named Jay Jay and Charles was the pizza boy in home alone. He gets a nice check every Christmas time every Thanksgiving when Home Alone airs again, because he's the guy who keep the Jains you feel the animal, you know, that whole cheapskate that? That's That's Dan Okay. And, oddly enough, like I would end up doing Stephanie Miller's radio show I auditioned to be her musical sidekick on her television show that they did a pilot for and the place they were auditioning people fried all my music gear and set me back like five years in my career. That was singularly the three auditions that were like the worst experience in the world. That was the one that cost me like $3,500. Anyways, I would later on be on her radio show doing hump days with how and then there's a comedy duo for Angela and Francis from from pranjal. It's Angela Shelton and Francis. Francis was at Second City with me too, and she randomly ended up guest hosting on step show, literally professionally know Frances more than anyone else in my life. She has been around longer, Joe, it's amazing.

Jeff Dwoskin 11:57

Oh, you know, I Yeah, we talked. We're talking superheroes. So yes. Hi, I'm Sivan. That's yeah, Rangers, right. So you weren't Power Ranger, but

Hal Sparks 12:07

no, unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at

Jeff Dwoskin 12:10

it. Right. But yeah, it did hire you. Well, in high school.

Hal Sparks 12:14

Yes. Yeah. I was the youngest. I'm still I think the youngest game show host in history. I was not quite 18 yet. When I hosted treasure mall, Anaheim Sivan had not he had just gotten the rights to translate the Power Rangers shows and he hadn't done it in English yet. So he was doing it in Israel and a couple of other countries. It was his Japanese show. And then they they got the idea basically to like, cast different actors and shoot the other stuff with actors from wherever. And it was a brilliant plan, because once they turned into Power Rangers and in the suit, who cares, so you just hire a bunch of kids. And you know, and that's, that's the Power Rangers in Israel in the Middle East and then Russia and wherever it didn't matter. He was just kind of creating that he had a little three room mini like strip mall office, on Ventura Boulevard. And it had a music studio in it. And an audio recording studio not really like didn't really have a drum room or anything. And I recorded my first or they my first, my second two music demos in that studio. The first ones I paid for with my own money from Treasure mall in Chicago. And then the other ones I recorded there with my buddy Johnny million who is on my radio show now and we were in a band in high school. And he was using those basically to audition voice actors to play the Power Rangers, that studio and then they would do it later in front of a you know, they had a screen studio where they could do the the, you know, the ADR afterwards. And then I Oddish guy like I got treasure mall, and we rehearsed it in an empty storefront next door, like a clothing store that had gone out of business. And he just rented the space and they brought in kids and I would just run the game show with these seven and 10 year olds over and over and over again. The weirdest part was my director Rob Fiedler, I became really good friends with his partner named Peter Berlin and they did a bunch of game shows that was their big thing for years Fiedler Berlin productions did a ton of game shows, etc. And Peter I had I forget what the word was now because it's been burned out of me. I was saying something like awesome I would say awesome too much or something. And so he got a bell and he would ring the bell anytime I said awesome. Just so I would know that I was saying it. It was like dang Dang. Dang, I'm like alright, and it was like it was actually a great way to train you away like I literally can't even think of what the word was right now. It's like dang interrupt in my head

Jeff Dwoskin 14:34

sometimes I think I need one of those. I think I do that as a as a trainer. Oh, that was awesome. That's yeah, right.

Hal Sparks 14:40

Yeah or right right or I you know, it's like I almost wish they had one of those on Newsmax when people say I totally agree or you don't my other pet peeve phrases right now at the end of the day. Oh my god, someone at MSNBC and CNN not watch enough Fox to know if it's a problem there but needs to have someone like ring In a battle every time someone says at the end of the day, the end of the day at the end of the day at the end of the day at the end of the day it's it's tortures

Jeff Dwoskin 15:07

I worked with someone that was that was his go to phrase and I had an article that said that was the most overused annoying phrase. Yeah, English language isn't the only path and I would keep it and take it out every time you would use it, but it was everything was well look like at the end of the day. Yeah, look

Hal Sparks 15:25

at the end of the day. It's night. I don't know what to tell you like more there's another day there are no end of days like what kind of like Schwarzenegger biblical action movie bullshit is this you know, at the end of the sixth day, at the end of the days, you know, this type of things. So yeah, so aggravating.

Jeff Dwoskin 15:42

What other voices can you do?

Hal Sparks 15:44

I never know until I do um, you know like it's one of those things like the the ones that people ask for that are kind of rare are it's no use Luke if you would have been the you would have been killed to the droids would be in the hands of the Empire. You don't need to see his identification, Move along, move along. You know, like, Sir Alec Guinness says Obi Wan. Yeah, that's a random one. That's great, though. And like Mako, you remember the actor, Mako? Sometimes you'll make me tremble with disgust. He said, Conan. He's in. Jackie Chan's the big brawl. Just an amazing Japanese actor he passed away not too long ago. He's incredible. And of course, the one I'm kind of known for being able to do that nobody else can really do is bobcat. Thank you very much. Oh it's amazing. Yeah, it's pretty. And the weird thing was Zoltan Dude, Where's My Car? I audition for the Ashton Kutcher part. And I know I'm not getting it. Because it's just the studio wanting to see other people they ashes. It was written by one of the writers from that 70 show. It was written with Ashton in mind. But the studio always likes to have a backup in case they have to recast it like you know, back to the future or something. So they bring people in. And so I came in to audition for this. And I was like, there is no way I'm getting this for that part. But apparently I was so funny reading it that they decided to rework the Zoltan character and go maybe we can flesh this character out because initially he was like, he was written like a guy petting a wet a white cat. You never saw his face until at the end. He was like this pop face teenager or something. And then they're like, we can't cast a kid in this because it was too many pot references. So he's gonna have to be older. What do we do? And they expanded this old tan character and said, come in and read for that. And I did and they're like, perfect, but for the test. They wanted another alternate. They always do the same way. I was the alternate for Ashton. I'm sitting there in the office. There's nobody else there to do the call back. Except for Bobcat Goldthwait, the only person that they that they were considering other than me for Zoltan was bobcat. I love him and I have such respect for him. And obviously I wouldn't be able to do the voice that well. And I memorized his records and I memorized his lines from police academy and shakes the clown and I just adore that dude, he must have felt like shit sitting next to me being the choice that you know the the alt choice in this situation, and he would have been miserable doing the part. I guarantee it. Like if they had put him in a bubble wrap jumpsuit. Good Lord, the man would have had, it would have been horrifying. I'm glad I feel like I helped him dodge a bullet. Because I had a great time he would not have he would have been he would have felt awful about it. And he would have been irritated by the people bringing up value or Dude, Where's My Car? You were that dolt and dude, like it would have graded on him. You could just tell. And me I'm like, Yeah, amazing, super fun. The world. I guess the universe weaves together in such strange friggin ways. But I did not. I avoided doing an impersonation of him to him at that moment. And I've said that I will only do it again, anywhere in his proximity on Kimmel. So he's never heard it in person. And not in person. No, I'm sure he's heard me do it elsewhere. I know. He knows that. I do it. Yeah, but I don't do it on stage. I have a pet peeve about people who take comedy characters or comedians personalities and impersonate them on stage. People who do Jerry Seinfeld or whatever the Gilbert Godfried is the one person who can get away with it or could get away with it. He would do dice and he would do Jerry Seinfeld, and it was almost like a fuck you to those guys. But in my case, like when like I remember the 80s people used to do Pee Wee Herman on stage and I'm like, You guys do realize that's not Paul Reubens real voice. He created that character. That character is funny. The reason you're getting laughs is because this guy created an absurd character. You didn't discover like, look out weird this guy talks and that's the way they would do the bit to my buddy Matt and I used to sit at Zanies and Watch comic after comic going, what if Peewee Herman did this? You're like, Ah, god. That's the whole point of the character dipshit like, okay, so if you're young, so I would, I don't really do you know, Bobcat on stage for that very reason, because it's a funny character that Bob Goldthwait crafted and created. Of course, it's funny, of course, what you say while you say it is funny, it's supposed to me,

Jeff Dwoskin 20:26

my thought would be if you were if you were to do it on stage house. Yes. Is that you do it just as quickly as you did it for me a minute ago. Yes. And then it's more just a, it's more like you're a fan service to your fans, and more of like a flex, like, I can do this, but I'm not doing it. Yes. You just got to taste something.

Hal Sparks 20:48

Right. The two times I have done it, that's precisely how it's been done. Like a reference to him having just been someplace like I think I did it at the Comedy Store years ago, as like he had just come in and left the point like a bobcat was just here, somebody and somebody said that to me on stage, because like, they knew I was a fan. It's like one of the other comics was like watching the show. We're in the belly room, I think. And I was like, how long was he here? And they like not long. And I was like, Okay, so basically just walked in with Thank you very much and just laughed, you know, like, that kind of thing. That was enough where everybody was like, What the? How can you even

Jeff Dwoskin 21:25

write Sorry to interrupt, have to take a quick break. I do want to thank everyone for their support of the sponsors. When you support the sponsors. You're supporting us here at Classic conversations. And that's how we keep the lights on. And now back to my incredible conversation with House barks.

Hal Sparks 21:44

So I you know, I one point made a list of all the impersonations. I do because I used to do a thing called one line impersonations, because I can only do one line, like I can't do Bruce Willis, but I can go GLIs, who gives a shit about glass? Like, you know, I mean, like, that's one line from diehard, and that was enough, you know, and I would just do a line of, you know, that's it. Like, there's Chewbacca. At one point, I was doing Star Wars in one minute, and I would do all the sound effects. And it was it got a little like, back in the early and, like, in the 90s when I was doing open mics and shit like that. I would, you know, it was all just like, she will, you know, like, and you run through them. And, like, move along, and then, you know, we're doomed like that. We'd like just like

there's just, like, a piece of everything. And that was fun. But yeah, I mean, I it's one of those things. Like there's some people that I could just naturally I feel like I can fall into doing and then there's other people I'm like, I just don't have the throat for it. I do more like singer sound likes. That's easier for me. Partly it's like because I'm a fan or whatever. So I will sometimes do like Layne Staley singing Godsmack from Allison chains, you know the whole can? Man who Wanda as you know, now you know that? No, not. Right. And that's a good time and works really well at the ultimate jam night. That thing I do at the Whisky. So

Jeff Dwoskin 23:23

that is amazing. That is so all time real quick. So you Yeah, it did.

Hal Sparks 23:29

Yeah, the Z symbol, right, which is on break right now, thanks to the fucking Russians. But they're now that they've kind of move past the Z. Now they're on to the V, there's a V spray painted on all their shit that IV like the Zolt and z will be coming back as a physical hand sign. But I like tap it down for a while in the early part of the year. Just because, you know, the Z symbol was so weighted because of what was going on. There's a weird geopolitical aspect to what's okay. comedically, you know, that happens to

Jeff Dwoskin 23:57

you. Also, I wasn't aware of the political ramifications of the Z. Yeah, I was aware that the Pittsburgh Pirates, yeah, I adopted your hand the Z symbol for good luck.

Hal Sparks 24:11

Yeah, right. And then anytime they'd hit a base hit or, you know, a home run or something like that, people would run around the bases and do the big z and then and then soccer players, like in the World Cup have done it. Like it's kind of amazing, like, and I thought that up, you know, in my apartment in Santa Monica, while I was shooting that, that's one of those things where like, that'll always be there. You know, there's a few impacts you have as an artist where you're like, oh, that had are now you're always throwing pebbles, hoping there's a ripple effect. And then sometimes you just don't even realize it hits perfectly. And then it just keeps the waves keep coming. Like queers folk, there's some depth to that program that will have lasting impact in people's lives kind of going on forever and ever and ever. And that's a beautiful thing. Same thing to some degree with lab rats and my relationship on that show, which is great, but the There's old tansy thing was just one of those where you would never expect. And yet, there it goes. Every time I turn around, it's somewhere else.

Jeff Dwoskin 25:08

It's really fun because that movie in itself is it's called classic. Yes, of course. Yeah. You never know what's going to become a call. I don't think there's a day on Twitter. I don't see somebody tweet something that has some kind of tied in reference to that movie.

Hal Sparks 25:24

Right. And I mean, they, it's interesting that they kind of with Harold Kumar, and some of that stuff, they tried to create similar things, and none of them kind of had this the, the zappy impact of the first one. Not that it couldn't but like, I have been toying with doing a spoof trailer for a Zoltan like sequel, where, you know, he's just been in the wilderness. And you know, he's kind of lost his mind. And it's kind of this jokey. Thanos Rambo voiceover, like, they laughed at us. That monologue, and but just done in this kind of like Cobra voice. And it has to be done. It just kind of has to be at some point. It sounds like a perfect thing for tic tac to give right? Or Netflix as an actual thing. Right. We'll see.

Jeff Dwoskin 26:14

You know, I wanted to ask you a question. I know you were on the I love the the I love the 80s. I love that. So talk to me about when they go to you. And I don't mean you specifically, but I'd like oh my god, the Rubik's Cube? I would say that for hours playing with a Rubik's Cube. Right, right. How much are they everyone preparing these, hey, here's your spot, make sure you have a spontaneous reaction. When I show you this.

Hal Sparks 26:37

Well, I had a rule, okay, they would show you stuff, they would give you a box of video cassettes or DVDs or send you a bunch of links later on, you could go to you know, they would send you a bunch of links as things grew, because they could just grab YouTube links of stuff in the early part of it, they really would just send you whatever prep materials you want. And I refused all of them. I did not want to see any of it because I felt like it would reek of prep stuff it would reek of, of an artificial reaction. And you can tell I feel watching those who really knew this stuff and was really having a reaction versus people who had were given this stuff and sat with a friend of theirs or wrote their stuff or sat with a band. There were some people like and I won't name names. And for the record, none of them were Michael Ian Black, that had friends sitting in studio, I mean that genuinely that were sitting in studio on the floor, pitching them lines, so that they would have a gag like they were some people would walk in there with their buddies hired as writers paying them, you know, 100 bucks a day or something to come in for that day and just sit there and make them funnier than they might have been. Which is amazing to me. I treated it as a genuine documentary of my experience of and love for or hate for stuff and why and you'll see that there are some segments I'm not in simply because I don't that that missed me. I skipped a version that sometimes they would use stuff that I would talk about, like I fucking hated whatever it was, and my sister liked it, or two of my friends liked it. And I couldn't stand it. So occasionally you would see a little story about me just complaining about it. But not from the point of view of like, I remember that like yeah, I remember my friend being into that. And it was aggravating that was it. But yeah, tons of people, you could have all the prep you want. But I did when I did it, I would do two days, usually two eight hour sessions one each day, and they would just sit down with this giant binder and go FOUP let's go. Alright, here we go. And then they would sometimes early on, they would have me come in for a third session and patch stuff that they had either added midway through or they didn't have enough stuff on that we had skipped because we didn't have enough time because they only had 16 hours with me at the time. For a lot of my was shooting queers folk and I would fly down from Toronto and I'd have to go back and shoot so we were threading a needle. The goal overall for me was to just have my natural reaction captured on screen. Because what's the point of being a smartass? No at all. If you look like you're you cheated exactly that

Jeff Dwoskin 29:09

I felt like a lot of it seemed like really all these people remember that commercial, Amanda

Hal Sparks 29:14

and all had a similar reaction to La there's a lot of uniformity in people's cultural recognition. And of course, you're going to choose the parts that most people can relate to most of this stuff you'll see that they pulled the mind wasn't me going, Oh, I had that song stuck in my head for weeks or some bullshit like that, like the jingle for that was but like there or even the setup pieces, like they're like, can you give us something like no, they really some of the producers that worked on that kind of didn't like me after a while because they needed to get certain things checked off. Like the descriptives. And there were good. There were people who were totally comfortable doing it with it doing it was great for them like Loni Love. You'll see her doing that a lot. She was totally cool with doing the descriptive, explaining what it was almost hosting and some In cases, and I was not because I was not being paid as a host, I was being paid for my reactions and hosting, I'm really good at that. So if you're going to pay me for that, I'm going to be standing, it's going to be this, it's going to have my name on the title somewhere. And I'm not just going to be in a field of other people doing the exact same shit that cost you more money. If you want my reaction. That's what you're paying for. And so that's how we ended up, you know, coming to an agreement about what I would do and not do. But there were times when they were like, can you give us a little something, you know, and I just refuse to do it. All right.

Jeff Dwoskin 30:31

Well, good for you. Yeah. So they would sit with you just you and film Yes, eight hours a day. And then yes, it with Loni Love for eight hours, and, and then they just would match or

Hal Sparks 30:43

other other people did like three hours, you'd occasionally if somebody would do three hours, take a break and do a couple more hours, a lot of people did an hour, they would really laser focus some people who would come in, and they'd be in and out in 40 minutes, because they knew what they were going to do. And they knew which parts they were they were going to have and then or they'd have like, I don't know what mo Rakas. Schedule was, obviously, like they did in New York, because he was on a daily show at the time, I think. And they would do it. The BH one studios were nearby. And so you would just go over there and hey, can we do a half hour today or something like that, and they he'd end up doing a lot of stuff. But he would write for stuff as well, like he was specifically would spend time with the material. And it's, and it's why I think he's very much suited for the comedic side of NPR, those kinds of things where you can have like, smart, quiet comedy, right? There's a real style there. And he's great at it. I am not, not because I couldn't, but because I hate it. And, and so it was, you know, it's just a different way of working. It's a different style of work. And I prefer improv in that in terms of that stuff. Other people do not they do not feel safe in probing in that circumstance, because it's permanent.

Jeff Dwoskin 32:02

Right? Well, they're not how sparks their nuclear.

Hal Sparks 32:06

True, true.

Jeff Dwoskin 32:08

So a little bit ago, via my Twitter timeline, Hal sparks retweeted a tweet of mine or something of mine. I thought, oh, Sharon gless in my sharon gless interview. And it took me a second to realize oh, she's your mom from quit, right? Yeah. So think well, one, thank you for that. But let's Yes, also clever segue back to Queer as Folk. So right,

Hal Sparks 32:31

migrate, not ham handed at all, Scott. That's Scott Lowell always does these like big setup. It's a long story anyways, inside joke, we'll get get into the story. And then the job will make sense. All right. Scott was I like Scotland always coordinates. Like we've done so many of those interviews. And I don't like I can't remember if you didn't do any of the group ones that we did. Now, back in the day, because like I said, it's been we've we've been at these for a while Scotland was like the coordinator, but he's like corrals the entire cast, you know, and can manage to just like, drag everyone back into the room together when they would otherwise scatter. So yeah, it's an amazing talent.

Jeff Dwoskin 33:15

And it's a it is an amazing talent. Yeah, you spent. This was five, five years, five years on this show, right?

Hal Sparks 33:23

Yes. Well, six years, five seasons, six years, you start the start well, before it airs, it stops airing Well, after you're done. And then you got to hang out in case anything needs to be fixed right up to the final day. lived in Canada, you know, almost the entire time.

Jeff Dwoskin 33:40

You've been a part of a lot of culturally relevant issues. Right? I never saw queers fall, I did attend you. I just Sure. Just like you don't pretend I just, I just I don't think I don't know time at the time. It was just one of those things. You know, this is early 2000s. So I know that the reboot didn't work out. They tried to do a reboot. That didn't work without us without you guys. And that didn't work outs that I think I know why, why they didn't have you or why it didn't work.

Hal Sparks 34:05

No, why it didn't work. It should be abundantly clear at some point that I have some sort of bizarre Mojo that I bring to everything that makes it culturally significant. And kind of amazing. You know what I mean? That's without a doubt. Yeah, I mean, my record is pretty clean across the board. The I love is any real situation where I'm giving, like, my guests are on something I can't drag somebody out of the I can't pull the car out of the ditch with guests or enroll. If you let me work my magic for a couple of seasons. You're good.

Jeff Dwoskin 34:36

How was Sharon gless as a mom as a TV mom,

Hal Sparks 34:38

first of all her her acting commitment is so rock solid, that it's one of the most effortless elements of working together. That said in the very beginning, she has this thing about physical violence. She can't do it. She's it puts her off, which is interesting because she you know, most people knew her before that from a cop show. And gunplay is very different from like manhandling someone or physically fighting. It is a different thing. You know what I mean pointing a prop gun at somebody and making a face is very different than fight scenes and stuff like that, when she did, you know, and she she's mentioned this when she did misery in the West End, she did the play version of misery, right? They had to cut and modify the sort of wrestling scene where he falls out of the bed and she's beating him or whatever, because she just couldn't bring herself to do it. It was too uncomfortable for her. And when we started doing the show, there's a scene where she, because she's an Italian mom, she's supposed to walk me upside the head. It's this one particular scene, the very beginning was right when we were probably a week into shooting, it was about our confrontation with Justin's mother. And so we go to this this younger kid, he's 17 going on 18 And he starts dating a 30 year old and it's very uncomfortable and weird in my characters kind of put off by it by you know, age of consent. The mom knows about it, because I What is not our fucking business, but we go both go to basically go, you know your sons. Okay. Anyway, says we're leaving. I say, you're still wearing that same old coat. She goes, you'll you know, when you buy me a better one, when you're rich have better one when we were rich, and I go, Yeah, you'll freeze to death first. And she wants me in the back of the head. She's supposed to hit me in the back of the head like a mom. And she couldn't do it. Every time she did it. It was terrible. It was like, it was this weird little thing. I took her hand. And I was like, Can I show you something? You're not this is the occipital read this the hardest part of your head, you're not going to hurt me. And so I took her hand and I was like, hit me feel that hit me just like that. It's totally okay. It's not going to hurt anybody. It's got to be real. Otherwise, I'll have egg on my face. And I can't act a response to it. Unless I feel it. You and it's okay. This is my limit. I'm telling you what my limit is you don't have a problem. And so we did nine or 10 takes and finally she just gave me a good wallop. And it was so good. Right after the scene. I said, that's the moment you and I became mother and son because people don't hit strangers that way. They hit loved ones that way. And we're connected now people believe it. People will believe that moment. And then, and you can look it up on the internet. One point she had hit me so many times on the show, they set it to Blue Danube. And they were and she sometimes she would hit me so hard, it would make her braces rattle. And it would be bad for sound. So she'd have to hit me again. They'd have to taper bracelets. And the whole point of it was whatever she felt was okay. I'm like, add 10% add 10% to that hit. And it'll be great. It'll be we're family. Otherwise, I wouldn't know we'd be on nobody let somebody hit them like that. If they weren't, is the point. Other than that, like the rest of it was just like enjoying her classic Hollywood broad stories because she was she was the last universal contract player that they had. She was an ingenue. Gorgeous in her day and gorgeous to this very day show her experience of going through all of this, like these different phases and having her show canceled mean the first show brought back by fan letters, like, you know,

Jeff Dwoskin 38:13

I know. We talked about that it was like, and then you have to like put it into context. So like there wasn't a Yeah, it wasn't email people wrote letters and lick stamps and men. Yeah.

Hal Sparks 38:22

Right. Yeah. And that's absolutely what made them take it more seriously. Because you could actually these days somebody could pay a bot farm to send emails or or, or you know, start a hashtag saying an artificially inflated to get a show back on the air. The executive producer could go will spend $150,000 And we'll just create a astroturf campaign online. You can't do that with written paper letters,

Jeff Dwoskin 38:49

right? I mean, for example, you know, bringing back a Zack Snyder cut for Justice League, for example. I hypothetically, I mean

Hal Sparks 38:59

they are never gonna get it right. They

Jeff Dwoskin 39:01

like I think was gone. They will I think gun is great. I really do.

Hal Sparks 39:05

Yes, I agree. Here's the problem that they have is it Marvel stole Superman and turned him into Captain America? The Boy Scout aspect of Captain America. Everybody's like, you can't do that. It doesn't work anymore. It's too innocent. It's too like naive and morally, you know, like people he's is very little moral gray area with him. It won't work these days. It fucking worked. It absolutely worked. And I have like on my startup screen on my iPad, I have the shot of Captain America standing alone against Thanos in the entire army. That's the moment when he doesn't know everybody else is coming to help. And he just cinches his arm and goes, alright, somebody's got to do this and I might die. But I got to do whatever I can. And that like, that's amazing. Like that's, that's a hero story. That's the kind of hero story of old it's Classic is undying and it's exactly what Superman used to be. It's exactly what the Christopher Reeve Superman brought. You know, it wasn't the whole, like you'll believe a man can fly was less about the physical nature of the flight that he did. And more about this man is of an elevated form. He's that good. And they just threw it out the window, they made a Majelis dick, you know, they lean more towards the watchman zone of things. And this nihilistic 90s horseshit, same thing that made the them have to split storylines on the X Men ultimately, because there was too much nihilism in this like 90s tank that Sony wanted to do. And you're like a like, we don't want these big, colorful uniforms. That's passe. And then spider man comes along and goes, actually, we learned a lesson Marvel learned a lesson from the black suit during the late 80s. And after Secret Wars, that you can't you know that there is a value to it. There is a moral value to this brightness in the characters and certain characters can't and shouldn't be like Batman or the Punisher, for example. And I would argue that recently anyways, they've done better work with the Batman and the DCU than they have done with the Punisher because the Punisher is an apology. And it's just kind of a mercenary military dude. It's kind of run of the mill. It's, they might as well be doing the Dolph Lundgren version at this point, instead of spandex, super muscular, giant decal clips made out of the teeth, white boots and hands so that when you're shooting at him, you don't know what you're shooting at, which was the whole purpose of his uniform, that he could distract you in the dark. That's why his feet and his extremities are white. So you'll target them and be confused. Like they just like he's he's wearing a punisher shirt from the comic book that he found in his kid gave it to him from a store that he would find like that, like that storyline of it is just embarrassing and lame. And the series where he's like, in therapy is just pathetic. Like they haven't yet they've never, nobody's ever done a punisher movie. Nobody. There's never been a punisher series. And there's never been a punisher movie like that. Because every time they try, they do it with their tail tucked between their legs. And he's not that kind of character. You can argue that the CRO and Cobra to some degree and John Wick are Punisher movies. Yeah, they really Yeah. Cobra. Yeah, so

Jeff Dwoskin 42:17

that's just alone.

Hal Sparks 42:19

Because it's tongue in cheek, but he's also unabashedly muscular. He's very flashy. It's not about hiding in the dark. Like, the big thing about the Batman is and why they can do it and kind of get away with it is because while he has all this shit on, he still can just kind of like hide in the darkness. And so it's never really like, even when the spotlight is on him. It's kind of a cut out. It's different than when you're in a big red outfit perched on the top of a building. You're way more out there than if you're in stealth gear looking like a ninja with ears. So they've kind of dodged that because of the nature of the character. Batman is perfectly set up for that kind of thing.

Jeff Dwoskin 42:58

Yeah. My favorite trivia on COBRA is that that was what Sylvester Stallone created that from Beverly Hills Cop.

Hal Sparks 43:05

Right? Well, he, he bought it and he had one more movie with Gollum Globus to get out of his contract. And he needed to do it. And he wrote it kind of as a comedy. He wrote it. The idea was I'm gonna make a spoof of my own shit and finish and then it became super fucking serious and became I think one of the best examples of like horror action genre that exists because the villain in it was gone cheeks and his roided out muscles and his crazy mom character that he's obviously in a relationship with and his giant curved blade with a spikes on it. That's like a signature weapon just like Mike Myers or any of these other guys like that knife. You can picture it right now. Anybody who's seen the movie can could draw it on a piece of paper. And that's classic horror genre, is it whatever the monsters whether it's Freddie's claws are whatever, you've got to be able to say what their weapon is right out of the gate. You know, if they have a signature one or if they're not just like in the case of, you know, Friday the 13th just using everything and you're like an interior decorator just hanging bodies everywhere. So at the end, everyone can discover him like a crap southern horror, like Halloween House of Horrors. Yeah. Every time you turn around a body drops down like Did he really put it there? That's not where they died. That means he did that on purpose. You have to understand like how ridiculous the bit Jason Vorhees character ultimately is because all the dead bodies he positioned later as a way of stopping people from being able to escape by being shocked and not being able to go past a dead body through a door is the idea right? And in the first one it's the mom not even Jason, which means this woman was lifting teen like males that were bigger than her and hanging them up by their feet. Like it just not possible unless she's crazy super powerful. But anyways, that I'll go down a hole with that but Cobra itself is this mix of Have like tongue in cheek Dirty Harry stuff mixed with genuine like this cult horror concept of who the villain was, you know these people who bang their their acts together and the idea is that they're going to bring down society. That's the whole purpose is just fear an anti Miranda movie just like the original Dirty Harry because that's all the Dirty Harry movies initially were reaction to Miranda just like Cannonball Run and smoking the bandit were reactions to the national 55 speed limit that culturally the whole culture reacts to things. And then there's a movie that says Yeah, fuck that, that everybody goes and sees.

Jeff Dwoskin 45:38

Sorry to interrupt for a quick break. And we're back with House barks. You got an amazing take on all this stuff. So Well, I

Hal Sparks 45:46

mean, it's, I'm genuinely mean that and you can you can even look at, like zombie movies, how they've changed. Everybody's like, why are zombies running and fast and blah, blah, blah? Well, because zombies initially were about communism, these things would eat your brain, which is the seat of your individuality. And they were basically mindless workers, that whole society was being turned Invasion of the Body Snatchers was very similar. You lose all your emotions and your individuality. And you just become you go back and you keep doing your job. But there's no you left anymore, right? Because that was the fear at that time is the Red Scare, and the growth of communism and the fear that that's what was going to take over. And that was you know, and so it metastasized into a cultural phenomenon that was creeping zombies, right. Just like the industrial age, the original universal monsters were all trapped in the industrial age, because pollution was choking everyone to death. So even whether you were a monster or a werewolf or a vampire, you were choking people by the neck because breathing was becoming a fear, coal miners and industrial pollution were making people have having breathing problems. So that became the scare point. Now it's writing poor people with blood borne diseases. That's where 28 days later came from AIDS was at reached a zenith of fear, the concept of what age meets Ebola, all the hot zone books that had come out what if it just spit it on you and you become one, they don't even and then they eat you. Sometimes they don't. And then you become one or whatever. Like, there's a myriad of ways, but the fact that they could run and they look like Antifa riots is part of that cultural fear point. So it shifted from the fear of communism and us all just being, you know, having our brains melon scooped out to we're all gonna get sick from this blood disease and rage and grow SNESs and just set our own world on fire.

Jeff Dwoskin 47:32

I could listen to you talk all day.

Hal Sparks 47:35

Yeah, you could. But I have a show where I talk all day.

Jeff Dwoskin 47:39

That was my clever segue.

Hal Sparks 47:41

I appreciate it is

Jeff Dwoskin 47:42

my Scott moment for Yeah, that's right.

Hal Sparks 47:44

Yeah. Imagine like he could always tie that shit together. Tell everyone

Jeff Dwoskin 47:49

about your Mega hours. Worldwide mega an hour. Yeah, live streams that you do every day

Hal Sparks 47:56

I at the beginning of lockdown. But you know, the world was shut it down already. Like, it'll be six weeks, and I had been in China and I knew it was going to be months and months and months. I was like, Well, how can I contribute to people's sanity and fortitude throughout this time and as a comedian, and as somebody who knows a thing or two about politics, I felt like the best way was just to hop online and skewer things as they happen and kind of operate as that comedy pressure valve, let the steam out a little so people don't lose it. Especially early, early part of of COVID. That seal was on their strong, you know, like people were like, oh my god, this is when people are stocking up on toilet paper and afraid to go outside. That's pretty gnarly, right? I started doing it as that. And I was like, and I don't know when you know, even if this opens up, I don't know when live stuff will happen again. And that, you know, between shows, you know, between series or movies or whatever, stand up is my main gig. It's how I pay my mortgage and get health care for my kid and all that stuff. And it's unnecessary. And all of my gigs just were like knocked off the table, just a whole just obliterated like a lot of other people like musicians and comedians all over the place. And I was like, I got to do something. I can complain about it. The whole world's in this mess. And so I dove in for about a month just like watching how to make it big on YouTube, how to be a big Twitch streamer, all that kind of stuff. And I just went to school for a while I did this every day at alternate times, just following what was in the news. I went in there and I was like, Okay, you gotta lock a schedule, you got to build a kind of consistency. People can know what to expect and when to expect it. And then I just started building the show. So I started doing it regularly five days a week, my radio show on Saturdays that eventually sprouted last year, a morning show Monday, Wednesday and Friday because I work out Tuesday and Thursday mornings with a trainer. So I didn't do morning shows on that day. And it also gives me the break that I need to do it. And then I've just basically just shown up and done the work every day. That seems to be the other thing. It's just like get it like and part of the whole purpose of the show is to make fun of what you know these people who have political differences with the absurdity of their argument in totality. So with A post a clip that's seven minutes long, I cover the whole seven minute clip, I don't go in there like a lot of YouTube streamers or a lot of YouTube reaction videos and just take little bits, somebody says something stupid, you excise that piece out of their argument, make your whole video about that and unfairly either take out of context or act as if you don't make mistakes yourself, which everyone does by taking their mistake and messing with. And by using their videos in the full length that they do it. They have said, This is my argument. This is my bullet on this particular topic with this particular title. This is everything, they decided that so I feel free to from top details, skewer that whole thing. I did all of Trump's rallies all the way through, I've only missed two because they were so repetitive like at a certain point my own, like I was getting bored with them, but I cover you know, his whole the whole things. And the reason I covered those whole things was because everybody was saying nobody's covering him nobody's doing the whole thing. Nobody's they're just picking these little pieces out and like alright, I'll be the guy I'll do the whole thing, then you can't say nobody you can only say well house barks did it and so I did all the mike pillow movies all of his like absolute proof than absolute evidence and all that stuff about the elections. I've done all of those I did the my hunter my son Hunter movie, I did the Dinesh D'Souza 2000 mules movie did them all the way through line for line, some of them took me six hours, but I got through the whole thing and broke them down and said there somebody's watched the whole thing and answered everything that's in it. And I like I feel like there's a value in that. So I feel like I'm providing a worthwhile service and a little bit of like historical like putting my pin in what was going on in the digital online political performance art world that everybody has a footnote as an asterix on this time, at some point. Like nobody even saw those things, except house parks. And I feel like that's a gift I can give. And I you know, I feel I've always felt like comedy is a service industry. It's like being a massage therapist or a waiter more than it is like being a king or a movie star, you're there to relieve tension. And there's so much tension about these things that I feel like if I could walk in there and go, Okay, this is where these talking points came from. This is why you keep hearing this, you heard this on Fox News, and you might have heard on Newsmax, but here's where it started on this guy's podcast, here's the piece, this is where they're getting this bullshit from. And we'll go straight to the source and break it down, you know, I'll go through the whole thing and that that's going for the root not not the fruit of the problem, right? So every day, five days a week at three o'clock Pacific time. And then Monday, Wednesday, Friday 9am Pacific Time, I do a morning show where it's more philosophical, we look at what's trending, and I just kind of Lau that to be the start of the conversation. And then Saturday's my radio show the HAL sparks radio program mega worldwide, which was going on for 13 years now. I live stream that as well on YouTube and infotainment, wars.com or a Twitch at twitch.tv/hal sparks or on my Facebook page or on Twitter where you know, kind of streams as well, that you know, that's my schedule currently. And then in between those shows when I'm not gracing you, Jeff with my presence. In those moments, I'm usually watching the news or reading something to catch up on. Okay, I'm hearing this rumble of a storyline that's coming out. Let me educate myself so that I don't I'm not caught unawares by a storyline still happens because there's so much stuff going on. But that's the middle of my day is like reference and study in between the streams. Awesome. Yeah, it's a job. It's a it's a full time endeavor.

Jeff Dwoskin 53:31

So I mean, I see there isn't a time I'm scrolling where I don't see you live streaming at some point. Right? Right. During the day.

Hal Sparks 53:39

Yeah, ain't nothing to it. But to do it. I'm this way though. I'm a bit obsessive. When I get into something, I'm me know, if I'm passionate about something, I want it to be unique. And I want it to be my version of it. And if it can't be, I will lose interest very easily. And I feel like every human being has their own personal worth. And so why wouldn't I show mine in everything, you know, as an example of that, that's great. So I just jump on in like, here's my take, you know, you don't have to like it, but it's genuine.

Jeff Dwoskin 54:08

It's awesome. Well, thank you for genuinely spending time with

Hal Sparks 54:13

my pleasure. Glad to do it. And at some point, after, you know, we enter into a more open phase at some point I'm gonna I'll have you come on the morning show, like after the holidays or something when we were not arcing up towards like the swearing in of the new Congress or those kind of like moments that we have that eat up everything and you'll have to come on the morning show and just go through some like entertainment trends stuff with me, and we can both kind of dunk on the Zack Snyder DCU. And then

Jeff Dwoskin 54:41

I would love that. Yes, yes, absolutely. Absolutely. And

Hal Sparks 54:45

I have one question before I go. Yeah. Is that one of the Brady Bunch people over your left shoulder or is that Tom Jones

Jeff Dwoskin 54:53

that is not one of the Brady Bunch people that is three. That is Greg Brady right and that is Peter and Cindy.

Hal Sparks 55:00

Okay, yeah, the black and white one I couldn't really make out. Yeah, that was I'm like I could tell that's Greg Brady, just from the hair and eyebrows. Yeah, it's blurry and all that stuff. And I was like and then that Cindy Williams in the middle. Williams that

Jeff Dwoskin 55:13

had yeah in color and that Scott Schwartz right there flick and then yeah, we were talking about Sabana earlier. That's David Yost the blue Power Ranger.

Hal Sparks 55:22

Oh, yeah.

Jeff Dwoskin 55:23

Les Landau Keller Essien.

Hal Sparks 55:25

Nice. Yeah, can we just agree on our way out the door that Henry Winkler is like the sweetest person that has ever lived? Other than

Jeff Dwoskin 55:33

him turning me down four times for this podcast? Yes, he is. The great I've met him twice is the greatest human being in the world hands down. And he's

Hal Sparks 55:40

such a lovely man. And he he used to produce the Hollywood Squares when I did it. I like that. As where I first met him, and he was just a frigging gem. And I swear to God, night shift is one of the funniest movies in history. And him just like wiping the sweat of his brow with a piece of bread when when he's looking at Shelley Long, like in her underwear trying to get something off the top shelf of his God.

Jeff Dwoskin 56:09

It's just nights after Michael Keaton. I mean, that's like

Hal Sparks 56:12

oh my god. Michael Keaton is amazing in that like he's just so good. But to two or three times I've run into Michael Keaton, because I love his work at General I love Beetlejuice and Augusto but nothing like like Billy Blaze as a character just I must have like the crazy this guy's a night shift fan look on my face. When I met Michael Keaton. Yeah, one of the times was at the Playboy Mansion. I have to say that night meeting Michael Keaton was the second best thing that happened to me that night. That's all I'm saying.

Jeff Dwoskin 56:44

We'll leave it at that. Next we will. Cheers. Cheers, my friend. Thank you. All right, everyone. How amazing was how sparks so fun to talk to. You never know where the conversations gonna go. But I loved every second of it. Such great stories, such great insights, such great points of view, love to have and how back on the show with the interview over I guess that means we're at the end of the episode. I can't believe it. Episode 262 has come to an end. I want to thank once again, my guest house sparks. Thank you, sir. And of course, I want to thank all of you for coming back week after week. It means the world to me, and I'll see you next time.

CTS Announcer 57:25

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