#212 Laughing Through Life Lessons with Comedian Mitch Fatel

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Jeff Dwoskin 0:28

All right, Jessica, thank you so much for that amazing introduction. And you get the show going each and every week and this week was no exception. Welcome, everybody to Episode 212 of classic conversations. As always, I am your host, Jeff Dwoskin. Great to have you back for what is sure to be a classic conversation for the record books. My guest today is comedian Mitch fate tell top requested comedian on satellite radio one best comedian at HBO Aspen Comedy Festival Mitch is Comedy Central half hour stand up special was ranked number six all time by viewers. Mitch has a brand new comedy special called Bad Girls buckle up because this conversation is going to be amazing as we dive into the ups and downs of Mitch his career that's coming up in just a few seconds. In these various segments. I want to remind everyone of episode 210 I'm sure you already listened. But if you haven't kept me up have pornea was my guest amazing actress from Hulu's reboot Abby's and so much more. Do not miss that conversation with Kim yet she is awesome. But in the meantime, let's focus up on Mitch Fay tell I worked with Mitch back in 2004. We reminisce a little we go pretty deep. This is a deep conversation. I did mark this one explicit only because there's some language, it's adult language. I just wanted to make sure if you blare it at work, maybe headphones for this one in certain areas. Nothing you can't handle but didn't want to catch her off guard either. That being said, You're in for a treat. I present to you Mitch FETO. Enjoy. All right, everyone excited to introduce you to my next guest. One of the funniest human beings in the world. Ladies and gentlemen, comedian Mitch bait out why

Mitch Fatel 2:23

am I the most famous interview you've done so far? Yeah. You're just saying that. Who's more famous than me that you've done?

Jeff Dwoskin 2:33

Maybe Robert Klein? Would that be fair? Never heard of never heard of Robert Klein.

Mitch Fatel 2:37

Never heard of steals all this shit. Who else under that? radar right now. Never heard of it. You're talking See List. I mean, now we're up to a list list. I said no, I was Robert. That'd be an interesting one. I would think Robert Klein. Yeah, he

Jeff Dwoskin 2:57

was cool. It was cool. Yeah, I liked it. Because he was he was really one of the only people that would go Dwoskin you'd call me like that. For some reason.

Mitch Fatel 3:06

He stole that for me that I was planning on doing that. I told him to do that when he because he called me he's really excited about doing your podcast. I told him I said call him Dwoskin it's really funny.

Jeff Dwoskin 3:15

He loves it so much last time we saw each other was 2004 and that I can't comedies weirdness and where did we see each other? We were I am seed for you. And Mark Ridley's comedy cast

Mitch Fatel 3:28

must have made an impact on me because I always remembered your name, like every time like we check in and be like, I remember that kid. So that was yeah, I remember. I remember working with you, which is no it sounds like a like a being all. I remember you like that's really special. But as a comedian for the last 40 years, I've worked so many places to remember someone is pretty cool thing that you don't see regularly. I mean, we don't like you said 2004 was last time we saw each other and I remembered your names. I remembered working with you and liking you.

Jeff Dwoskin 3:57

Well, that's a relief. I appreciate that I enjoyed I enjoy that week. And that was sort of my early early years in comedy The impact that you had on my life, which isn't comedy related though. I'm sure there's comedy stuff but so there's this gonna sound so crazy and hopefully not we ate after one of those shows. I think we got sushi at sushi and Royal Oak.

Mitch Fatel 4:19

I was gonna say to Jews, it was either Chinese, or you're a Jew, right? Yeah, yeah, of course you are. So I was gonna say we probably did Chinese but sushi is a good second place.

Jeff Dwoskin 4:30

So we're getting the sushi and what's carried we're carrying out we're going to bring back to the red lace club and I didn't tip and you like, Dude, you gotta tip carry out person. I know it's crazy, but it never occurred to me I'm I'm a tipper. If I go to a restaurant, it never occurred to me, I think to tip the person who's just handing me the food as I hand them my money and I walk out.

Mitch Fatel 4:53

I hope that I didn't send you in the wrong direction. You're not supposed to give a 15 to 20% tip you know cuz you're not eating there and there's no table to clean up, I think five to 10%. My reason being that I used to be working in one of those places, when I was an up and comer, you do just as much work getting everything ready for the people that are coming, you do just as much work, you have to package everything up and go get it from the kitchen and stuff. You don't have to keep going back to the table. That's why I don't believe in the 15 to 20% Tip. Ideally, a five or 10% is reasonable. Yeah, but I

Jeff Dwoskin 5:24

was like nothing. And you were like, Jeff, you got to do something. And I think you explained that to me. And one of the reasons why the reasons I wanted to bring it up is I figured if there's anyone else out there as naive as I was that it was it's just a good reminder that these people work hard and they count on the tips as well.

Mitch Fatel 5:40

Having said that, I am not the tipper of anybody. We've got a little tip breezy since 2004. I will not tip my subway got the subway sandwich guy, or the Tokyo Joe's or the McDonald's or the 711. Got like I don't tip those guys. Because in my mind that are like the coffee person. Do you tipped up

Jeff Dwoskin 6:02

your car? No, no, it's usually if I were to go to a place where I would have tipped then I then I do they hate

Mitch Fatel 6:09

that over tipping. Yeah, to me tipping tip stands for to ensure promptness. Maybe it does. It doesn't it does. Now, maybe it doesn't. Because but so the point is, when you go to a restaurant, the people are taking care of a lot of people. And it's just that you're getting what you asked for. If you just walk up and order something and they're making it for you. Right there. I don't understand what the tip is. And the other thing I learned is this, oh, here's a little hint I learned. I recently had a friend who owned a bar. And I was at their bar hanging out. And one of their bartenders didn't come in. And I said I'll 10 bar I haven't done it in like 40 years, I thought it'd be really fun. And it was like I tended bar. And what I realized was when the people tip you or don't tip you, you don't even notice like, at the end of the night you go, Oh, let me see what tips I got. But the people who didn't tip I didn't remember them. So then I realized like, oh, all these years that I'm a tip and bartenders like an extra five bucks to seem cool. Like you're just you in their mind so fast that you get no credit for the extra big tip. So I become the guy now since then it just gives like 50 cents, because what I realized is you're getting busy, and you're walking back and forth. And you're not noticing, Oh, that guy just gave me a $20 tip you don't even notice you don't remember, and you really don't remember who didn't tip you. So I was like, I got a kid. Now when we're in a recession. I'm watching my tipping.

Jeff Dwoskin 7:34

Well, I just wanted to point out, you've cost me 1000s Since 2004, I feel bad.

Mitch Fatel 7:39

That's one lesson I've brought to a young comedian. And you taught me that your punch line should be subtle, really should tip more.

Jeff Dwoskin 7:51

Well, I do remember one of the other things that stood out that weekend is how committed you were to the character on stage. And one of the things that I specifically remember I actually I made a scrapbook. So this is one of the things that made it into the scrapbook that first 10 years, I made a book to show my kids where I was during those 10 years. How old are your kids? My kids are 20 and 23. Okay, one of the shows you broke character like a woman piss you off. So

Mitch Fatel 8:18

yeah, that's happened and I'm so every time it happens, I'm so sad about it. And I'm upset with myself and I beat myself up. And I hate that anyone ever gets to me like that. I don't think anyone's gotten me in years. I think that's what comes with experience is even so Joe Rogan freakin on a heckler ones, like, freak out, like way more than he could have, like, no funny lines is yelling at them. Now I watched Joe Rogan. And I'm like, Oh, he's such a different guy. Now he's so confident, because he's proven to himself, just how fucking amazing he is. That he doesn't care if someone you know, he does, like so I think that back then we cared more. But then you grow up and you're like, all right. I don't care about these hecklers. And so you're more confident. So they're, they're less important to you. And I would never break character. Now if someone had told me but back then I think you're more nervous on stage and you're more like, everybody's watching you and you just get panicked easier.

Jeff Dwoskin 9:11

Yeah, I always reply. I always think back of the times, like when I first started doing comedy, if somebody coughed, I'd have to go on to the next joke. Because if it broke my Yeah, yeah. And then eventually, you get to the point where someone could interrupt you, you could have an entire conversation and then just go right back to the joke.

Mitch Fatel 9:28

Yeah, it becomes much more like a pilot like after going through some turbulence, you know how to get right back on. Yeah, I think a lot of what we do is a lot of what comics do is being a pilot. I always use that analogy that when it's tanking when, when you're when you're plummeting in the ground, and you're set. The worst thing you can do is panic. I was like this a pilot who's crashing to the ground. remaining calm doesn't necessarily mean in any way that they can save the plane, but they have more of a chance and just panicking kind of learned that like to keep in control the plane if it's diving. And I've also learned that that doesn't necessarily ensure success, I think everything in life comes down to giving yourself a better chance of success. And the biggest thing that I've learned is that doing all these self help exercises and learning about yourself, and that doesn't mean you're going to be ultimately successful. It just means you're giving yourself better odds of being successful in different situations. And odds are I think, you know, what we're looking for in life.

Jeff Dwoskin 10:34

Right? It's a numbers game.

Mitch Fatel 10:36

It's a numbers game,

Jeff Dwoskin 10:37

give yourself the best chance. Yeah, I always found it fascinating. Like this skill you develop where you could be, you're doing something to the audience in your head, you're having a full conversation with yourself maybe about what's coming next or anything like that. The ability to multitask

Mitch Fatel 10:54

Yeah, I learned that I got to this is when I knew I was too successful if that word means anything, because I'm so not too successful anymore. But I remember I got so successful that and this is a this is actually a cautionary tale that I was on stage one day doing my bit. And while I was on stage, doing my bit, I remember distinctly going through what I had to stop and get later at Whole Foods. Like in my mind, I was going on going to get that curry chicken salad for dinner, and oh, I can't forget to get milk, should I get milk at Whole Foods. And then I realized, I'm having this conversation and I'm in the middle of a show. And it made me think it was bad as like, Oh, I'm not even enjoying it. Like I'm just doing it like a job now. And I remember thinking that was kind of cool that I could do my show and still think about it. But then I realized that I wasn't enjoying the moment anymore as much as I should.

Jeff Dwoskin 11:50

How did you get back to enjoying the moment I started getting booked less.

Mitch Fatel 11:53

As like a as I got less and less successful in seriously like as I as my career progressed, and I had a big peak. And ultimately a valley and then kind of came to this nice kind of plane where I'm at now, where I still do gigs I really enjoy. I have enough money in the bank that I don't have to take the shitty gigs. And because I don't work as much when I do work. I enjoy it. Like the old days, I enjoy the art of it more. Does that make sense?

Jeff Dwoskin 12:24

Yeah, absolutely. Let's take a trip down that journey for a second. After having worked together. I didn't know a lot of your background. So I've been I delve in a little bit. You start a comedy at like 15

Mitch Fatel 12:35

which doesn't seem like such a big deal now because a lot of kids are trying to do it. But back then it was still a very brand new art form for kids. I mean, kids didn't do it. And I just knew I wanted to do it. And I started when I was 15 going on stage. I remember my couple of my first jokes, which were horrible, but he did a joke. My big joke was all the kids in school get high when I smoke pot. All okay, just give me a second because I don't remember but it was all my key all the kids in school smoked pot and all pot does is made me really horny and hungry. So now when I smoke pot, all I want to do is fuck Betty Crocker. My big joke when I was 15, and I remember my dad and mom going it's not really funny, but it was kind of funny. But now I know why they were saying that. That was my big joke when I was 15. And I wasn't good. I mean, when I look back, I was I can't tell you I was a really great 50 year old stand up comic. I was kind of it was kind of painful what I was doing, but what ultimately happened is for two years I did it. I got so bad at it and it didn't get better. I got horrible that I dropped out restarted up when I was 21. But when I restarted all the experiences starting when I was 15 came to me and I was way above any other open mic er and immediately took off. Somebody was like, Oh my God, he's like the best open mic er and I and my career took off very fast at 21. But looking back what they didn't know is that I had been doing it since I was 15. So I saw all the initial stuff of like knowing what the stage feels like knowing how to handle a might knowing how to talk knowing how to like not panic knowing how to write jokes, like I'd already put so much of that experience in and when I restarted up at 21 I seem like a wunderkind so although it's cool is doing stand up when I was 15 I wasn't necessarily like a great stand up. I was just doing stand up and I'm proud of myself for that looking back. I was definitely not I play the tapes for you now, which I have somewhere. No one would say like that kid's gonna go on to work at Royal Oaks, Michigan, and he's tons of sushi like you would have thought like, okay, he's gonna probably be on meth one day, that kid but you know, yeah, it's kind of cool, but I didn't do it at 15

Jeff Dwoskin 14:53

Sorry, I didn't interrupt. We have to take a quick break. I do want to thank everyone for their support of the sponsors when you support the spy answers. You're supporting us here at Colossae conversations. And that's how we keep the lights on. And now back to my amazing conversation with Mitch Fay tell. I think it's amazing though. I mean, good or bad, right? I mean, it's the idea of a 15 year old getting up and doing what some consider the scariest thing ever. You know, when I talk to people about doing standup, even if I talk to improv people, they're like, how do you do? They're amazed that we get up there with no one else on stage. Right? Yeah, to me improv is I would never I mean, it's just you know, anyway, so, FFT. And I mean, to get that much that type of experiences hands on. That's pretty good.

Mitch Fatel 15:38

It was meant to be I was meant to be a comedian. And that came easy to me sports didn't, and I wanted girls really bad. I mean, I just turned 15. And I was just hard as a rock all the time and wanted girls to let me put my penis in them. And I didn't know how to get them because I was so bad at sports. I was short. I just wasn't the heartthrob in school. But I knew that when I made people laugh, all the girls liked me. So it was like, so it was almost like I was forced into like, well, it's either that or I'm going to just be a shut in because I wanted to. I loved comedy, but I also knew that like any fear of being onstage was overwhelmed by my fear of not getting to touch girls breasts. So I wanted so badly to be famous and do something that made me stick out to the girls that that overruled my initial feeling of panic that you would have as a 50 year old going on stage.

Jeff Dwoskin 16:37

Did that work for a 15 year old match? Or were the girls still interested in the guys who focused on good? Totally

Mitch Fatel 16:42

good question, drop, drop, drop drop to ask. It's a really good question. Because looking back, I realized I was harder on myself than I needed to be. I got some pretty hot girls on my own. Like there was a couple of girls. I just wasn't born at Sheridan. So when I was a kid, Bart Sheridan was the good looking kid in our school. And like, every girl loved Bart. It's so funny. The name is just Bart Simpson now, but it was Bart Sheridan. He was just a good looking kid in school. And all the girls loved Bart, and I just wanted to be Bart so bad. So the fact and isn't this life, Jeff that like, when do we learn to stop competing with others and just be ourselves because looking back, I was doing fine. I had a couple of hot girlfriends and girls liked me. And I was being invited to parties. But I wasn't bar. Like, I wasn't the guy that every girl wanted to date. He was on the baseball team. And he was just so freakin good looking and secure and confident and loved me. And like, I just hated him because he was so good looking and looking back. I'm like, it wasn't the comedy that got me girls, I would get I get pretty girlfriends. I'm a really sweet, funny guy. I did notice that when I started getting very successful. The girls that like to park were now liking me. So that was a good feeling. Because I was like, oh, now I'm getting girls, you know, but then syphilis and flooding. Chlamydia came along with that. I was like, boy, it didn't tell me about that. So, you know, be careful what you wish for. Because all of a sudden, I was like, oh, okay, this is not really the excitement. I thought it would be I thought once you get girls like Bart, your life would be perfect. And it wasn't. And you know, ultimately, I'd hate to wrap this up in a little bow. But I'm the dad now of a five year old and like, he has given me so much greater joy in my life than any girl i thought i It does that make sense? That it was like it's so silly to me that like that was the answer back then. And then I got it as like, it's so not the answer. It's so not the answer. And I understand what people think getting hot girls or whatever it is, you know, for hot girls, whatever. Like there's no answer. Like it's nothing is gonna make you happy. It's just life sucks. Like, your kid will make you happy. Like you have kids you love your kids

Jeff Dwoskin 19:03

of my kids. And you're 100% right and it's it's the people once they learn that lesson that you just said that you're not really competing with others that we all can exist and rise up rise the tide together for us all it's the people once you're an adult that are still in that mentality that you end up staying away from but they all click and

Mitch Fatel 19:24

I have a friend like that you're right who's like one of my dad friends and like all he does is like tell us how much money he's making and how much I'm gonna like seriously like that's still at like I'm like, because it's because because I guess I've had a lot of money and a lot of girls and I don't want to be the hack old like and it didn't make me happy because it was really kind of cool. I thought what was happening but the truth of the matter is like it really doesn't do any it doesn't change anything. The joy that I get now to stand up is so much more pure because the joy I get is not of like I'm a big famous stand up comedian now it's so Writing like a really well written thought out joke that when I get the new punch line, I'm like, oh, that's mine forever. Now I just wrote a new line that's never existed. And so that means so much more to me than the stuff that I used to think makes me happy. Now, having said that, I still will now and again, occasionally see a girl on Twitter or Tim, not Tinder, because I'm married, but like, I'll see a girl on like Twitter, like a big booty Yoga Girl or something like that, and be like, Oh, my God, that would have been happiness, if I would have been that girl right now. And I have to remind myself, because I think this is why so many guys, their marriages break up because they forget that like, Oh, that's not going to be my aunt. Because it's just, it's because you see those girls, those thirst traps, and you're like, Oh, God, that would be so good. I'd be so happy if I could have that. And you have to remember, like, I kind of did have that. And it was like, and I used to think, I mean, you know, I can't sell as many tickets as I used to, I sell, I could sell a good 100 tickets per show now, but I used to be able to sell 500 tickets, and I would think I kill the sell 500 tickets right now, but I was fucking miserable. I was miserable. Like, I would go in and do the show and couldn't wait to leave and it was stressed out. So you know, it's just, I'm so happy that I got to this age that I could look back and go okay, so it is true when people who were famous and had money said like money can't buy you happiness, and bla bla bla, like, you realize like, oh, they were they were right, because I remember being the guy going like teaser for you to say you've got the money in the girls. And then you go, Oh, okay, they're right. It does. There's no side me now that sees someone with a I have a very pretty house, a very nice house for me. 3500 square feet. And it's fine. But I'll still see some beat times people like 10,000 square feet houses with big pools. And I have to remember, like, I've been in situations where you're like, that becomes just your house. You don't you don't walk in every morning and go like, Oh my God, my life is perfectly in my house. It literally just becomes your house and you don't think about it after that. I've been through enough of that in my life. Now to know that like any of those things that you think are going to make you happy really won't make you happy.

Jeff Dwoskin 22:11

I agree. I have a house 30 501 square feet. Maybe the hill knew what the fuck was just like, just now, you know, but I tell me if you're the same way with your house, even with 3500 square feet, you probably don't use 2000 square feet of it, right? I mean, there's like there's the living room you never use. There's like there's rooms in the house, right? Like during the pandemic, we were having our kitchen redone and we use two rooms that we never ever it was like we were staying at an Airbnb. It was like, Oh, wow, this is a nice. This is our house.

Mitch Fatel 22:43

That's a great story. Yeah, there's a diving, it's anybody you don't even use it. It just becomes like, Yeah, this is your house like so. I also have like two acres. And I remember when I moved in going like, Okay, I have two acres like I'm gonna go like set up a like a two acres was just the norm because I was in New York boy. So like two acres. I was like, I was gonna set up like a race track and like a pool stuff. And now it's just like, Fuck, I gotta pay to get this mode. It's like, it's just it's like, I'm not complaining. But But you realize that you don't wake up every morning and look at your two acres. I got a little story for you. So um, when I was coming up in New York City, there was a little town in New Jersey called Hoboken. And it was right across from New York. And it was where all the hip cool people lived. If you didn't live in New York, all I ever wanted was a view. I thought, man, if you could live in New York and have a view because all you do is look at them brick walls. Finally I started making some money, assuming it's the money and I moved into a million dollar, which is not a lot these days. But back then a million dollar condo was my first kind of I think it literally cost like 999. And I was like, right under a million. I had a huge mortgage, but I was making really good money. And I moved in. And my I had this huge picture window and this place called the Hudson T building. And Eli Manning was my neighbor. This is how exclusive this building was Eli Manning was many days. The first day I moved in, I looked out at my view, and it was of the East Side River, West Western east, west side, west side River, whatever. I looked out, and yeah, West Side river. And I saw a ferry going by right under my window. I was on the top floor. And I was like, I lost my breath. I was like, this is going to be my view like oh my god, I live here now. And I never really cared again, like after that first time. They go that's the ferry like it just because I thought even that like even that just became like, this is my view. And people would come over and be like, Oh my god, your view? And I'd be like, Yeah, it's nice, right? Like, you kind of I kind of forgot like, Oh, everybody has to have that view. And I realize like everything can be normalized everything. And that for the first time that view made me realize, oh, even if I had a $10 million home, it's not like I would walk up wake up every morning and be like, Look at my $10 million home it would just become a stupid fucking big home and I'd still be like, Fuck, I gotta get the pool fix. I gotta you might you know, it would still Be the Same shit, except for people telling you like, oh my god, your house is amazing. And I'm sure people have given you compliments. 3500 is a pretty big house. I've had people come in and they're like, oh my god, your house is beautiful. And you go like, Oh, thanks. And it really means nothing to you when they say it. You're like, Oh, thanks. But you don't think I know? How about my phone? New house. But here's the thing about it. So

Jeff Dwoskin 25:20

I don't know exactly how big my house is. I just purposely made it one more than yours is a joke. But no, I was it. Maybe maybe closer to 3000? Yeah. But my point was, what I was getting into earlier, too, is the 10,000. I mean, they must have 9000 square feet. They don't even use it just they just want to be able to furnish it Arizona,

Mitch Fatel 25:41

see the Ozzy Osbourne show the Osbornes or something on MTV a while ago? Yeah. Do you remember his house and like where they lived? They showed it like an indoor swimming pool and stuff and indoor swimming pool in their house, you remember that? I remember thinking it looks sad. Like I remember thinking like, Oh, these kids are growing up in this big Catherine. It's kind of like it just had no warmth to me at all. And maybe I'm trying to make myself feel better that I can't afford that house because they probably would move into more. But I think what you learn and so my favorite movie of all time is if you haven't seen it go see it was There will be blood with what's his name, Daniel Day Lewis. That is the most perfect, beautiful film on wealth competition. And you realize that it's a trap, you realize that there's traps in life.

Jeff Dwoskin 26:26

You ever watch the crown, I've watched it while my wife watches it.

Mitch Fatel 26:30

I'm embarrassed to say that I my wife watches because I watch. I'm big into period pieces. I love those. And I'm kind of I love chick flicks and stuff. So anyway, so I love the crown. But what you realize when you're watching the crown very clearly, and if you don't realize it, then you're then you're nuts. Because you realize quickly like these people are not having good lives, there's no way that you can look at them and not think that their slaves and their creature comforts are so provided for as payment for the fact that they've given up their lives. But you see that like, none of them are happy. And you quickly realize that like, oh my god, that would have been. I used to think like what, you know, wow, if you were born into someone that had $50 billion, what a life but you realize like, that would be the most miserable thing in the world to not know what you're capable of doing because you always had a parachute of billions of dollars under you. You know, you could never really even enjoy your life.

Jeff Dwoskin 27:27

I agree. 100% There's something about earning it and making it there. It

Mitch Fatel 27:32

really is. And yeah, I guess all I've noticed in my older years is that everything that you thought they were scamming you with wasn't a scam that it's true Money doesn't buy you happiness, and all that kind of shit that to say that you I mean, because I have enough money to have a decent life right now. And when they start feeling recession come in, I get very scared of like, oh, shit, I have to go back out on the road now and take the shittiest gigs in the world just to pay for my son's school and stuff. And I get and you realize, oh, this is what people think money is happiness. Money doesn't give you happiness, but it definitely gives

Jeff Dwoskin 28:02

you peace of mind. Right? It gives you it gives you some comfort,

Mitch Fatel 28:05

some comfort and knowing like Okay, good. I'm not gonna get evicted. You know, I don't mean to pry too much into your life. But have you ever been seriously in debt? No good for you, man. I'm a bad job. Maybe 15 years ago, I was making very good money on the road. And I had a million dollar condo and bills out the wazoo. And one day, I started getting less and less bookings. And then every month I start making a little bit less, a little bit less. And then one day I was, I'm in debt, like, I don't know, I remember thinking like, I don't know, where I'm gonna get how I'm gonna pay. If I if I start going into this account, I'm going to use that up real fast. And I started going like panicking. Because I was really struggling. I don't know if I can afford all these bills. And it wasn't that and what it was is I needed to downgrade and I moved out of that place and met my wife and I'm happier and all that stuff. But what's funny is like, I realize like, oh, that's why people tend to not take this the wrong way. But I was gonna say that's why people are in dire straits. They wind up killing their spouse for insurance money and stuff or like, because you stop because that feeling of dread of like, Fuck, I owe these bills and I don't know where I'm gonna get money for it. You start you get you get a panicked feeling. It's the worst feeling in the history of the world. And I and after going through that I promised myself I would never let myself get in debt again and always live within my means.

Jeff Dwoskin 29:23

Well, two lessons. One is no one out there should be killing their spouse.

Mitch Fatel 29:27

Well, don't be judgmental. We don't know the whole story.

Jeff Dwoskin 29:31

But to your right, it's the people like you hear all these stories all the time. It's like you live with outside of your means. And like I've never been like, I don't care what car I drive, you know, I mean, to me is to get to point A to B it's like, you know, I It's but I agree with you. It's about you have to know where your lot in life and

Mitch Fatel 29:49

you're so we're so old now that we can say that you can say I use my car to get from point A to point B like a dad would say and I don't laugh at you. I go Yeah, point A to point B It makes the GM like, that makes like that's how old we've gotten that like when you say that I don't go like your soul. I go like man make sense.

Jeff Dwoskin 30:10

Sorry to interrupt my conversation with Miss Faye Tao. But in all seriousness, if you're in debt or ever need help, just ask somebody close to you, there's always people there to support you. And we're gonna take a quick break. And we're back with Mitch Vitale about to talk about not the peaks, but the valleys that he experienced during his career. And we're back. So Mitch, you keep mentioning selling less tickets? Are you doing this? And like, is there a story behind that? Or is it maybe there is a story just, you can peek in the comedy business.

Mitch Fatel 30:43

So it's a pretty good story. Um, ah, boy, deep do you want to get as deep as you want to go? Okay, maybe it'll help someone one day, I have a I don't want to say fear of success, because I like being successful. But I have a discomfort with too much success. I'm very as I got older, I've learned that I'm very antisocial and a little bit agoraphobic, which means I get nervous, leaving my house, I'm very nervous talking to people, this kind of thing I can do 1000 times a day talking to you on a podcast and talking about my life, I can't do normal walking into a bar with a friend and having a beer, like, I just can't do that. I don't get it. I don't understand it. And as I got more and more successful, I was expected to do more and more of that. I was expected to go out with club owners and people that were coming to my shows. And wherever I went, people knew me and wanted to bring me out. And I was miserable. I didn't like that feeling. All I wanted to do was going to my show, and then go back to my hotel room and write more jokes, because that's whatever and watch porn back then that's what I did. I've given up points, consequently, subsequently. So I got very successful. And then I realized I wasn't comfortable all the time, I wanted to go back to the days where people didn't know me, and I could just go on stage and blow people away. But now everybody was expecting something from me. And I'd have people showing up at shows with signs. And people going on prod my whole family, and you're my favorite comedian. And I have a mental illness where I would go, Oh, I kinda let these people down. I don't like that person. I never saw I wasn't enjoying stand up anymore. Because I was just like, thinking that I was going to let everybody down. So I ultimately kind of like, pulled further away from like, my writing. And, and that's when I said I was on stage one day, and I was thinking about what to do shopping, I wasn't enjoying it anymore. And I will maintain that you will never be great at anything that you don't enjoy. And I started to not enjoy it anymore. It became a job. I think that the good analogy is there are football players and basketball players who say it's become a job, I don't even enjoy it anymore, you know, and then and then ultimately, you can't be good at something if you're not enjoying it. There are other players like Michael Jordan, who somehow or you know, whatever. These are the guys who like they can play at a very high level, and they still enjoy doing it. And they don't feel like they're really appreciated sports figures because they're able to not feel this heart letting people down. If someone comes to their games, and they have a bad game, they really don't care about that. If they do they won't make it. Well, I became the guy that cared that much. So I just like slowly, like started not writing as much and trying as hard and was bailing it in and I wasn't writing new jokes. And I think people felt that over time. And then I did a special everybody thought was going to be the best special ever. And I remember I didn't enjoy it. I didn't enjoy taping it. I didn't enjoy writing it. I was doing it just to get to the next level and the special tanked. It's called magical. It's to this day, it's on YouTube and stuff and it gets me squirm because it's so not me. And this is part of being a performer. You know, like when people hear about oh, this comedian Mitch fey telling I'm gonna go check them out on YouTube. And sometimes clips from that special come up and like, that's not me, it was me like, you talked about how much I don't come out of character. It was me like doing the character too much. Because I was like, trying to oversell it, and then that special tanked as it should have. And then I just kind of like took time off and had a son, and then like would do gigs that I liked. And then one day I got on stage again. And I was like, fuck, I love this again. And it was because a lot of the expectations had stopped because I got to a certain point and instead of going forward like a lot of other comedians did, I kind of went backwards and I can't look back at my life and say that I have any regrets because there are lots of comedians ago, because everybody said like, Oh my God, you're supposed to be this guy that played theatres and stuff. But I don't really have regrets because I realized now that like that wasn't going to make me happy. That was like the $10 million house like it was like, what made me happy ultimately was getting married and having my boy and maybe giving him the self esteem and tools that I don't have that he won't feel that things are expected of him. Does that make sense? Yeah, so I'm better than I've ever been as a comic, but now it's under my terms and And I'm enjoying it again. And luckily I had a nice big run where I made some money invested that money. And now I feel like if another one comes up when people start rediscovering my new new stuff, because I have a new special out which I'll plug to you. That is the special I always wanted to do now, which is called Mitch, fate tell bad girls. It's available on my website, Mitch fatale.com For a nominal fee, but if you watch that special, that's the new Mitch Fe tell as a married guy. And this is new material. And it's like I was feeling it again. And I think you'll feel if you watch it that like it's more the old Mitch Fe tell, evolved, and it's made me happy. So that's a very long winded answer to what happened. So that's kind of what happened is I kind of like I think, are as human beings, we tend to go what make we're more comfortable and I was not comfortable being like famous. It made me uncomfortable. If it came around now, I think I'd enjoy it. But it would be for different reasons.

Jeff Dwoskin 35:54

I totally understand my mom was a phobic and like you at when in public when work in a room, you know, like in under her terms, hilarious person, very funny. So like gore phobic, being afraid to go out doesn't mean you're completely recluse, it just means there's just certain things that you hold yourself.

Mitch Fatel 36:12

cluesive You're just there are people that have really bad agoraphobia, where they go out and they panic, I don't ever panic. I just get anxious and uncomfortable. I want to get away from it. So you know, I've read about I've learned a lot about agoraphobia. My wife and I were talking one day, and she asked me about it. And I said, let me explain to you my life on the road. Because she'd said Have fun it is that I go on the road. So if I go on the road, I stay in, stay in the hotel all day, I wake up, and I work out. And I'm so happy. I work out. And then I write and I answer emails, I do podcast with Dwoskin Dwoskin, last guest and last class. And I do and I like I love this, like right now I'm happy, let's say to my wife. So this is me on the road. So I do do all that. And then I start to see that show times coming. So it's like four o'clock, and I go fuck, it's like four o'clock, or like my shows at seven, I only have a couple more hours. And I sit away for two. And then I start going like more and more uncomfortable that the time is coming that I'm gonna have to leave the house to go out and perform. And then almost to a person by the by, by the time it starts being like an hour, I'm almost always late to my gigs, because I put off getting ready for so long, because I don't want to leave. And I get this sense of dread and the sense of anxiety. And then I finally push myself out the door. And I get to the club and I perform and then I'm so happy I did it. I'm so happy I that's what he said wherever we go. Now I'm elated because now I did the shows I wrote the jokes, all the jokes. I tried I I met people, but then I want to go back home. Now, I don't want to go out now. So my life is perfect because of that. But I saw my wife was amazed because I was like, That's my life. Like I literally like I'm waiting to have to leave the hotel. And I get a sense of anxiety and dread about it coming. And it's all comes from Me not wanting to let people down me feeling that something is expected of me. And when I'm by myself in my hotel room, I'm just for the first time totally at peace. So I want to give my son the tools to not have to deal with that. And that's my sole goal in life right now.

Jeff Dwoskin 38:15

I can't think of a better goal in life. Yeah. And that's what we do we equip our kids make the next generation.

Mitch Fatel 38:20

Yeah. Did you ever stop to think that, like, any issues or shit that you deal with would be worth it if you could, if you could learn how to if you could be there. So your kids don't have to go through it. Like I keep telling my wife all the pain I've gone through in my life will be meaningless to me if it was because if it helped my son, if it helped me be a better dad for my son to not have that. Because I came from very mentally ill parents, and God bless them, I realized now that they were just fucking nuts, like they were nuts. I hated them for a long time, because I thought there were certain tools that I wasn't given by them that I would have really liked to have had. But I'm glad that I can now give my son who's amazing. He's just an amazing little man. And I can give him the tools that I wish they would have given me. And so I'd rather he have the tools than I have them. I'd rather so if I had to go through all this pain, to know how to be a better dad for him than it was worth it.

Jeff Dwoskin 39:11

I think that's great. And it sounds like that is you're fulfilling that goal. So yeah,

Mitch Fatel 39:16

I want to get my dick sucked a lot, not by my son, but hot girls on Tinder. Now on Twitter, my wife would laugh at that, by the way, so I'm allowed to say,

Jeff Dwoskin 39:26

my I get that 100% It's It's funny how like when you make fun of your wife or your wife's part of it, and people are watching it. Like when my wife comes to one of my shows, she can't sit with friends if they've come to the show, because they can't separate the fact that anything I say on stage is is just, you know, on stage version of my wife, you know, and it's like it's a character version. It's not, not literally

Mitch Fatel 39:49

I have a common question for you. Are you when you go on stage when you have family, their wife and friends? Are you aware when you're on stage that they're in the audience?

Jeff Dwoskin 39:59

I asked They're not within Cisco my question, because I do that too. But

Mitch Fatel 40:02

are you aware that they're out there I am.

Jeff Dwoskin 40:05

But I am probably more so in the beginning. But now if I, as long as I know who's in the audience, I can block it out and do what I need to do. When I step out. The one time I got thrown as I stepped on stage, and I saw a friend who I hadn't seen in like, 15 years, just staring Yeah, and completely took me out of it. Now, if I'd known she was there before I stepped onstage, I would, that would have been fine. But it completely took me out of it. It was like my brain just went, Oh, my God, look, I was like, so ya

Mitch Fatel 40:36

know, the only thing that's taking me out of the moment that badly was when I've gone a stage. And people that read the first show came into the second show to see me again, and they're right up front, and I looked down, I see them and then I go, Fuck, they're gonna know this is a big scam. They're gonna know that, like, all my lines are rehearsed. It's the same exact show. And I give myself that's what it's all about pressure. I put so much pressure on myself that these two people I don't even know, just because they know, they saw the first show came back to see the second show, because I'm so good, that they're looking right there. And I'm like, looking the whole time and going, like, I gotta switch up my act for them. Like, I think a new material that could give them empower them so much. I'm a basket case. Every time I do these podcasts, I realized like I'm a fucking basket case, because I don't think other comics deal with this.

Jeff Dwoskin 41:22

I think everything No, I remembered I have the exact same story you just told I was watching. I went and saw Marc Maron, and the exact same thing happened to him. I'll tell you the point of view from me watching from the audience, Marc Maron does the show, I go to the second show. And he realizes the person in the front row was at the first show, just like you just said completely through him, he felt the need to throw out his entire act and do an entire show just for this person. And I remember it to this day, it's been forever. And I was like, that was the most annoying thing ever. They like, you know, he should have just done his show. Because that person for you, and I'm sure this person from they came. It's like, I think it's comics, it's hard to think we want to think that it's in the moment. But I think to them, it's like listening to a record. And just like we'll go see Bob Seger, who are Billy Joel, or whoever we like. And we want to hear the same song over and over again, they want to hear because they want to re experience the same

Mitch Fatel 42:15

100% Not only do they want to experience the same thing, but like, it's fun for them to also see kind of little behind the scenes. They don't hate you for it. I look at it like this. If you see a magician twice, you know, the same tricks are gonna come out. But you'll notice like, oh, maybe that's how he does. I noticed he did this. But you don't feel like I sucks now. I figured him out. Like so when we tell a punch line. And people go like, oh, oh, that wasn't an improv that they're almost impressed by that. Like, even I'm impressed. But if you've ever worked with a comic, and they see something, you're like, oh my god, that was brilliant that they just thought of that. And then you realize, like, oh, they do that every show and even you go I've been I've been coming since I was 15 years old. And I'll still be like, Ah, you fucking got me. Like, I thought that was an improv line. Like that line where they go, can you do that? Blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, You don't hate them for it. You almost go like, you must tip your hat like, wow, you scammed me. It's almost impressive.

Jeff Dwoskin 43:08

jrM egg recipes. He did this bear where he would drink a drink beer out of a straw and then acted like he didn't realize he had just done it makes a joke about it now and I'm like, That was brilliant. That was brilliant reaction. Next show does the same thing. And I realized, oh my God, that's comedy. Comedy is making it look like it's happening for the very first time. And if you can do that, which I know we have a mutual friend, Mike Green, who I think is amazing at doing just that. That's that, to me is incredible. I remember working with someone, and he'd bring people on stage and they there what do you do? And they go, Oh, I do this. And he had the funniest line I've ever heard ever. And I'm like, That was so funny. Did you make it up that when that guy said that? He says no, but I did make it up the first time somebody said Right,

Mitch Fatel 43:54

right. Yeah. And that's and so I have a similar similar story. I was working with a magician, I bring a magician because I wanted to be a magician as a kid. And I'm still I wouldn't say fascinated by it. But I still love the wonder of magic. I still love that we're watching something that we know isn't happening. But we convinced ourselves it is and we're no one's sewing someone in half. But what but I love the idea of man. So I remember working with a comedian once glitz and magic and his act. It's a great little story. And then he would do the thing where he had someone in orange and he like put your head against it and guess what cards in there but by then he cut he cut the orange open and he pulled out the card that they were thinking of and every time it hit the card. Well I remember in the greenroom before one of the third shows. We were just talking and as we're talking he's rolling up the card and he is cutting an orange and putting it in and I remember going like it just is a fucking scam. Like I remember going like you put you put the thing in art and I was like, well of course he's putting the thing in the orange Like there's, there's no way that that's just in the orange. But even I felt like wow, like I knew he was set, but to see him doing it in front of me, I felt like, Ah, you, you don't really guessing who is it like, you know. And it was still amazing to me that like, even after all these years, and I still was like shocked to see him doing this in front of me, even though I know he did it. And it's like, so it was still so fun. Now the next time he did the trick, I was like, I know that he puts the thing in the orange in the back. But of course he doesn't magically appear in the orange. And I remember thinking that that was like, kudos to you that I was still shocked that you were setting up the fruit team. Putting the thing in the orange

Jeff Dwoskin 45:39

is amazing, right? But you watch it with a whole different point of view. And when once you know that, like

Mitch Fatel 45:44

you look at it like, Oh, this guy sucks. You're almost impressed by it. And so I try to remember that now if someone comes back to this show to not change my show, it'd be like they're in here because they like to show God I wish I knew all this when I was a kid and I wish I had different parents. And I wish I lived in your house and not mine.

Jeff Dwoskin 46:01

We all wish something but it what made us made us so here we are. And I know you have to go because then I have to go pick up your son.

Mitch Fatel 46:09

I'm like, I don't have a son. I'm just a phobic and I don't like being on podcasts. What would that be called? podcast to phobic I actually love podcasts because it's it's I like any kind of conversation where you can talk real? I'm just not good at the are you good at that just real quick, can you go to a bar and just shoot the shit with someone and talk about like,

Jeff Dwoskin 46:29

now, if it's silent, like for some reason, like the problem I have, like parties or anything is if there's any noise going on, and I can't hear what they're saying. And I can't hear myself talk. That's why I think I like being on stage. It's silent. It's just don't you focused on me. And it's not about me. It's just about to it's about like, I have to keep going. I can't hear you or I say something funny, and they go why? Because they couldn't hear me. It's like, yeah, it's it's such a non enjoyable experience for me. Yeah,

Mitch Fatel 47:00

anything leaving my house is not enjoyable to me. Actually, that's not true. Because once they go out and force myself into it, I love it. But there's just certain things I love. I still I finally got to the point in my life where I said, I will. I told my wife, I will not go into a dance club anymore. I won't go anyplace where I have to scream in someone's ear and they have to scream in my ear. I won't do it. And she's like, can you just relax and drink and have fun and just enjoy the vibe? And like, no, it's if I can't communicate with another human being and they have to scream and this hot girl screaming in my ear and stuff. I will just leave. I've walked out. We've just left her there. And I go Go have fun because she has so much fun with those things. I'm like, I can't I won't do it anymore.

Jeff Dwoskin 47:41

I have the same exact reaction is you same. It's too loud is that unless you're focused on the band, if it's a band and you own the only expectation is listening to that band, then I'm fine. I'm fine. Great.

Mitch Fatel 47:54

Let's do this again. I'll do this again if you want

Jeff Dwoskin 47:56

anytime, but I'll just cap it with Mitch fey tell.com and bad girls get bad girls

Mitch Fatel 48:03

when you special. I hope that was good. It was kind of serious. I

Jeff Dwoskin 48:06

like serious conversations with comedians. But you're my best friend. You're my best friend. All right, that was comedian image fade, tell Mitch fey tell.com You can rent his new comedy special Bad Girls Mitch fey tell is hilarious. Like I said, I had the honor of opening for him way back when I started doing comedy. It was a great, great weekend. And I remember it so fondly. So if Mitch come to your town, check him out. Check out his website, check out his comedy special. You got all that goodness, I can't believe this episode is over already. Thanks again to Mitch pay. Joe. Thank you, my friend. And thanks to all of you coming back week after week. It means the world to me, and I'll see you next time.

CTS Announcer 48:54

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